This Sex Expert’s Best Sex Tip Takes Place *Outside* the Bedroom (& Not in the Way You’re Thinking…)

We’re going to cut right to the chase: Bad sex is sexually and mentally frustrating for both parties and can cause serious intimacy issues. Good sex, on the other hand, well…it doesn’t get much better. But how does one (or, you know, two) go about ensuring the sex they’re having is good sex? Listen to the experts, of course. We’ve stripped down to the nitty-gritty and asked Katie Silcox, a New York Times best-selling author and sex expert for the best sex tip so you can lie back, relax and have the best O yet.

Step. Away. From. The. Sheets. Let’s say it again: Leave the bedroom, folks! (And no, we’re not saying try getting it on with your partner in other locations, but to each their own). In fact, Silcox explains that, “Focusing acutely on the pleasure of physical sensations in your everyday life will translate into the bedroom in magical and spontaneous ways.” Come again?

Channeling Ayurvedic practices, Silcox tells us that becoming hyperconscious of your surroundings genuinely affects your sexual experiences and greatly impacts your relationship with your partner, as it places an emphasis on enjoying an intimate, shared moment between lovers versus placing pressure on the physical act as a means to reach the goal that is pleasure. Simply put, you’re unlocking a newfound sexual wakefulness through the ordinary.

“Have you ever tried to meditate on the feeling of the wind touching your skin? Can you pause and feel the warmth of the sun? Can you taste that delicious dark chocolate square melting in your mouth?” According to Silcox, when we slow down and take notice of the small moments in life, we’re opening ourselves up and training our bodies and minds to recognize pleasures that can erupt from the simplest of origins.

Shifting the focus to enjoy a touch, a kiss, a glance and even the glow of the room on your skin permits nerve endings to respond like goosebumps and become instinctually heightened. Now, it’s certainly not an easy feat, what with constant distraction from our everyday pulls like technology, social media, work and household responsibilities. But the result of practicing your new sensory-driven skill? Better sex.

So really get into that yoga class this week so you can get into it a bit later with your partner. The next time your partner holds your gaze a beat longer than normal or brushes the lingering strands of hair off the nape of you neck, you’ll notice the body chills roll down the whole of your body.